January 11, 2011
by jhon baker
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only sleep eases pain
pain defines.
joy, happiness, collusion
love even distrust,
having dreams, night terrors, delusions.
all are unknown in entirety.
“how perfectly goddamned delightful it is
to be sure.”
every moments considered
length is by pains
varying degree.
– Hoc Scripsi
Tell your friends and lovers
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October 20, 2010
by jhon baker
I am waiting
calmly, cautiously
I won’t take my life in 2012
it won’t be taken from me
the GMT constant isn’t
the world will not end then
as it has yet to do
I wish to arise unknowing
ignorant of the stars predilictions
– Hoc Scripsi
I am posting this today though I think it may be crap. I may delete it or drastically alter it. Right now I am tired from not sleeping well and dealing with the continued pain of walking, lying down, sitting and breathing so my ability to flesh out the thought may be incomplete. I take the meds again and realize that it’s been nearly four years since I’ve known a morning or afternoon or evening without being intimate with bone crushing pain. I need a new drug and I am addicted to not being in pain. Shifts of season and lack of proper sleep aggravate the situation.
The path my life has taken since the accident is one I wonder if given the chance would I relive and make a different decision that day – it was such a perfect day – tragedy gave me a gift and exacted a price. There is nothing that I can change about it so I try not to wonder if I would.
Tell your friends and lovers
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October 15, 2010
by jhon baker
I just need a few words to start me off and I’ll be running.
I made the mistake of getting out of bed today, I’m not looking for sympathy because fuck that. nearly every step today is as unbearable as the last one and as where I’ve medicated myself to the highest highs I still am clear thinking and in pain.
Lying down now and resting after a long day of doing nothing with nothing and not in a good Buddhist way or Taoist way either I wonder what I really need. I am convinced it is a few words – the right words and I’ll be off running. the fingers long to fly at the typewriter no matter what my little thigh thinks about it.
I long to do the tango in the kitchen.
I long to drink coffee whilst laying down and not spilling thus burning my hairy chest.
why are Breast and Chest spelled differently at the est part? Maybe it”s that since breasts are universally nicer than just a chest they get an extra A –
the red walls bring me focus and I notice a small drip in the paint.
Checking with the TSA I’ve learned that I don’t need any medical documentation for the medications, my ortho Frankenstein shoe or the metal in my leg. Interesting, I thought to myself, and said aloud – well, that’s done.
Tell your friends and lovers
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July 2, 2010
by jhon baker
my head a cumulonimbus
and reminded of just how broken the leg was
Tell your friends and lovers
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the platitudes of willful resemblance 