Archive for April, 2010

April 21, 2010

poem

by jhon baker

As a child I would often look up to the outlaw or the seeming enemy. It was for his bravery, daring, disgust with the law creator. Today in 1918 one of my earliest and most beloved heroes was killed by the allied forces, the name of the pilot who shot him down escapes me now but my hero is/was Manfred Von Richthofen, the bloody Red Baron. I don’t think it’s that odd or anything, there are many boys who would want to be looked up to like that but one of the things I often would admire was that he was killed. Later in life I would liken him to Billy the Kid (who fought not for country) and Federico Garcia Lorca (killed for being a poet). As noted before many of my heroes kill themselves while some die of old age. What I didn’t mention was that there are a lot who are murdered for being who they were.When greatness is recognized there is no recognition of Country. Even the British buried him with Military Honors as he was deserving. I also admit that I would not like to see the reign of hell he would have brought if he lived, but death doesn’t allow the extraordinary to be such for too long, death or worse shuts the door suddenly.
going into war and perishing in it is not that different from suicide really, it is only easier to connect to the reason the person has died. The Red Baron flew in the face of his enemy and taunted them, baited death until it arrived. This is not the action of a stable brain.






POEM

S. Michigan Ave. & 43rd
or thereabout.
Standing south corner
looking up, with
nothing particular in mind.
 
–  Hoc Scripsi


listening to Arcangelo Corelli and I am thinking that most of my out put lately has been written to his music or silence. Such Perfect Baroque.
my hands are abused badly. Cuts, scrapes and dry cracking. I can’t remember to use any kind of lotion unless I see it staring at me from the corner or counter. it hurts to type a little on this slim apple keyboard and they are not looking giddily with anticipation at moving over to the Selectric III later. The doctor tells me to wash my hands less than I do but they feel like they have a coating, an extra skin of grime so that my fingers don’t want to touch each other or anything else for that matter. Right now they sting to wash but no matter I will distract myself suddenly and be done with it. 
This is also how to learn to fly according to the late Douglas Adams. Throw yourself at the ground and at the last moment – become distracted. I’ve tried this with no success. I would imagine that it would be easier to accomplish whilst heavily drinking but then I also think it would be less than intelligent to operate yourself while intoxicated while flying around as it opens worlds of things that you can now bump into.


Don’t forget Literary Tonic.

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April 20, 2010

Title – a dislocation

by jhon baker

04/20/1808 Nepoleon became. 04/20/1889 Hitler became. Who would have guessed, two despots in one day.
And in 1999 I remember I was smoking a cigarette with a college friend by name of Matt, in the fire escape on building 600 on S. Michigan – up around the eighth floor when he told me about the Columbine massacre, it would be the last day I could safely wear my trench coat without wild eyed stares for about a year and a half.

Day two at Literary Tonic. Go there if you have not.

I’ve never understood liberals. Nothing has ever been liberated without the use of firearms.
I am a member of both the NRA and HRC and ACLU and various other acronyms – I see no dispute between these memberships.
I do not plan on liberating anything with my firearms – except a few bullets from their casings toward wooden and paper targets that never harmed anyone intentionally, this is no reason not to take my rage over paper cuts and splinters out on them. Both of those things hurt but not as much as compartment syndrome and while I do not shoot my leg (though I want to sometimes) I do shoot paper targets and wooden objects meant for blowing holes into.

but this has been a dislocation and I am ending it now that I have eaten breakfast. Honey Nut Cheerios with soy and vodka. Kidding of course – there was  no Honey Nut Cheerios with soy. And it was Jasper Daniels.

this is a dislocation

this is a
dislocation

a skillful assemblage of
et ceteras and
et ceteras

a cycle of soul drummers
and southern chicken sacrifices at
the front gate of Graceland

a loose impersonation of self
overlooking and
never sighting self

Our culture is jazz, blues
and poor elocution

a fragility of coffee house
poets and the war
machine

all
together-colored and successfully
uncollected disaffected ice cream eaters

 – Hoc Scripsi

of course I was joking. There was Orange juice involved.

April 19, 2010

creative drought

by jhon baker

I keep thinking that I am in the middle of an existential crisis and am existing through some kind of creative drought. Neither are true, which gives credence to the former, but even still, existentially I am already aware I am wholly responsible for all my actions. Or I should say I already understand and accept as it conveys the proper truth that simply saying ‘aware’ does not.
As for the creative or Literary drought, I can look and see the output – it is higher than any previous year except when I was a teen and early twenties when I mostly wrote crap and was going out of my mind, delusional and electrocuted. Mostly then I excelled at being an asshole – a reflection of my surroundings which the insanity was also or maybe not but probably.
It is that I want to be writing more, I want to be creating constantly, the two finished stories and one nearly so along with forty some pages of poetry and a handful in the works all go to state my creativity is high then in those moments where I am not writing I start to think that I need to be. It is that my mind used to teem with ideas and now it does not. It comes up with an idea and then dedicates it to paper and works it out.
The ideas are still there, they just no longer scream, I should have said noise instead of ideas or go back and correct it now but I am not going to.
There is little noise now, and it makes creating easier. I don’t require the chaos but thinking now that it is enjoyed to some degree. They were surprised when I said I felt I was getting better when they say most people report they cannot create on similar medications. I think that there is a genuineness behind an ability to perform while on multiple medications. I think if you cannot be creative on things that stabilize you and quiet the noise to a degree then maybe you really ought to stop trying altogether and try something else.
I was going to qualify that and am not now, it needs no explanation.

margins

   I find poems in the
margins of books I’ve read
   or tried reading
only to find them
poking out and asking
to be recognized.
                 and I may.
such as…
I run to catch up to you
tho my hair is mussed
and I’ve forgotten my glasses.

   well,
I’m left now to wonder
if I caught my presumed lover.
   I don’t know.
should it be recognized that it
may have been
someone else?

 – Hoc Scripsi

Published today at Literary Tonic. The poem – ‘dying roses are not broken promises’ – I am obviously going to support the site but I thought it was a great one before I submitted there, otherwise I wouldn’t have submitted. Go there, comment, don’t comment, light the candles, put on the incense, and give yourself a hard time.

April 17, 2010

This morning

by jhon baker
Spending the morning listening to  vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot by Sparklehorse, which was Mark Linkous, who shot himself through his heart earlier this year. See this post for more about that. But this morning I am listening and saddened that he was in so much pain that it came to that. 
Most people I admire have committed suicide or lived so dangerously/recklessly that their death might as well been considered a suicide. This makes me worry unnecessarily for the people I admire that are still alive, but there are not many I admire and saying all are suicides is misstating the truth. Some have died as old men/women though not many.
The poem was written for my son.
the sun hides
   for Jackson

the sun hides
behind clouds &
cold wind
but
   wishes
      to
shine down on
my garden
for the flowers

– Hoc Scrips

Horribly tired today. Jackson got me up before six to play and look up information on Box Jellyfish – which I have learned I should be referring to them as Box Sea Jellies now as they are not fish and this was what J really wanted to know.