Posts tagged ‘insomnia’

May 24, 2010

I load my thirty-aught six to board the downtown train.

by jhon baker

I load my thirty-aught six to board the downtown train
passing aisles full of people chattering and marks of concern
while not noticing their silence
I load my thirty aught six to board the downtown train

 – Hoc Scripsi

this is the intro to a much longer poem I’ve written. For some reason it is only my mind this morning as I sit here in excruciating pain. My leg for some reason is acting up and once again I am thinking about excising it from existence.  somewhat common thought and most common on days where I didn’t sleep well the night before – for various reasons not related to my behavior I ended up in my writing room on the Ikea couch most of the evening. this may well be the source but I am betting on the humidity that is present throughout the air.
yesterday a plethora of birds were singing at this hour and soon stopped for most of the day. I imagine it was the 86-90 degree heat in May. Once the sun started going down they resumed their melodies and plaintive songs searching for love. I can only hope today that their serenade lasts throughout the day as I love to listen, like eaves dropping on two young lovers secure on the porch swing of imagination.

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May 23, 2010

fell asleep while writing this.

by jhon baker

the noise/voices wont shut the fuck up this morning and allow me to reach in, to find a way in, this promises to be short and uninteresting. I didn’t sleep well but fell asleep well after such good fucking. The brain is still refusing to work – so maybe a better post later.

If you read this before than I love you if not – here it is again.

the whole of earth

the whole of earth is
beautiful and I carry
a broken watch,
waiting for it to move.

the whole of earth is
beautiful though
we still drop bombs
on weddings and taxi drivers.

the whole of earth is
beautiful;
I am holy in it.

I keep impoverished in
my pockets.

the whole of earth is
beautiful and
I remember when I first
got laid.

               the whole of
earth is beautiful, we
watch home movies to remind.

the whole of earth is
beautiful regardless
of telephone poles,
regardless of
pornographic billboards.

the whole of earth is
beautiful, hearing
children play in the streets.

the whole of earth is
beautiful,
never to spite that which
vainly tries to
take its beauty.

-Hoc Scripsi

May 13, 2010

the perfect blossom of a cherry tree

by jhon baker

I love the cherry tree for its blossom, I enjoy the fruit as well and can do neat things with the stem but in all reality the blossom is preferred.
it’s fleeting, beautiful and the center of many poems that range from okay to exquisite. O want to plant several in my yard and rid myself of the conifers. I wish to be surrounded by fleeting beauty, I wish to adorn my driveway with pink flowers that move like oceanic waves in the wind.
I’ve been awake for an hour now and wish that I could have slept through this storm, normally this is a non issue but not last night. After many years I had a good run of quality sleep and now this too has passed, I can honestly say I enjoyed it completely.
My favorite flower is the sunflower, I’ve yet to write a poem to the sunflower directly but it is not for trying. Those poems always end up about something else.

having trouble finding the way in

listening to Rachmaninov with lowered breath
while coffee cooks in the kitchen.
New York Philharmonic in zenith.
typewriter in ribbon bliss.

two floors down the Laundromat takes
four quarters to wash and four quarters to
bring the clothes and towels to a slight
dampness. two floors up, we dance on
tiled floor and make love on soft Chicago carpeting

some stop writing when it feels
finished.
some fight to line everything
correctly – verse/line/stanza.
others never thought about it and
just wrote until the words ran out.
I am fighting to make the end of this not read
‘soft Chicago carpeting’.

 – Hoc Scripsi

I am also listening to the Rach III while I write this entry out. The poem was written years ago and revised a year ago. I am able to date this one as it talks about when we lived in an apartment which was a very wonderful time that I know our retirement will look similar.
what follows may be vulgar so I am including a jump this time.

yesterday I happened to go off on another blog and misspelled a word that I inadvertently missed, thankfully I don’t consider my self the most intelligent person on the internet. The gist of the post was about how poets ought to do something more creative and vital to the planet than write poetry which the author considered a waste of time. my response is as follows. Warning: cursing, and strong opinions that aren’t necessarily the actual opinion of the author – just making a point…

A lot of people who ought to be smarter tend to base their opinion of poetry on a few so called poets. Most people writing poetry are writing crap and they are better off lighting their pubes on fire and dancing around calling it art.
I downright hate most poetry but I write poetry – I like fistfights, guns, calling the other guy a cocksucker and pissing in the wind if need be – I like to drink, I used to do drugs that weren’t prescribed and so on – in other words I am not like one of the pussies writing their tinkly pretty shit. I write poetry mainly and consider it a life pursuit. I don’t write a lot of fiction because it is a lesser pursuit that uses a lesser language and only one of 18-21 basic plot lines. best said as – prose is putting the right word in the right order, poetry is putting the best words in their best order – I agree with this but of course I would.
I guess what I am trying to say here is simple – fuck you if you think I am inconsequential, fuck you if you don’t try harder to understand the language of poetry, fuck you if you think poetry is not necessary. without poetry there is no language or without poetry the language dies. I think fuck is a perfectly good expression used by a great number of intelligent men and women.

I don’t think most of what I have written here is true for me 3/4 of the time. I just thought the last paragraph was and is how I feel. The first two are written more out of self righteous anger and I could easily write prose against those and mean it.

the coffee is hot and hand huggable, throat burnable, and mostly gratifying.

have a great day.

April 17, 2010

This morning

by jhon baker
Spending the morning listening to  vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot by Sparklehorse, which was Mark Linkous, who shot himself through his heart earlier this year. See this post for more about that. But this morning I am listening and saddened that he was in so much pain that it came to that. 
Most people I admire have committed suicide or lived so dangerously/recklessly that their death might as well been considered a suicide. This makes me worry unnecessarily for the people I admire that are still alive, but there are not many I admire and saying all are suicides is misstating the truth. Some have died as old men/women though not many.
The poem was written for my son.
the sun hides
   for Jackson

the sun hides
behind clouds &
cold wind
but
   wishes
      to
shine down on
my garden
for the flowers

– Hoc Scrips

Horribly tired today. Jackson got me up before six to play and look up information on Box Jellyfish – which I have learned I should be referring to them as Box Sea Jellies now as they are not fish and this was what J really wanted to know.