Posts tagged ‘humor’

May 24, 2015

having pizza for dinner tonight

by jhon baker

and I’m all out of jokes.

 

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March 31, 2014

first little flying bug of the season

by jhon baker

it’s dead now.

I took it’s life

as it was crawling across my computer screen.

 

as if my life were so important.

 

I can be such an asshole.

February 12, 2012

“Have you found Jesus?”

by jhon baker

I didn’t know he was lost but I can start looking right away if needed.

or

no, but when you do remind him he still owes me fifty bucks from the last poker game.

 

Old jokes to be sure but I thought I should come across with something.

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July 5, 2011

by jhon baker

I am fairly certain that I became an artist for the pussy. I learned that when you successfully sell a show there is even more pussy. Getting girls to come into my studio (where there was a bed) was never a problem and then getting them naked was even easier. Tons of pussy in painting if you do it right.

When I got tired of the pussy I stopped painting and took up jazz for the ass it provided.

Poetry has never gotten me laid except by my wife and that is only a maybe. I think it could but I am not interested in that – only the poetry itself.

Playing guitar also never really got me laid – and these are the things I continue to do to this day – guitar and poetry – guitar less so and poetry more so.

Also Ukulele.

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March 28, 2011

Let us talk, communicate via things I wonder about everyone

by jhon baker

I decided last night, or rather the insomniac morning at four-fourteen am that I could or should come up with a few leading questions and ask for responses – like a quiz – the rules are simple – answer what you want if you want – in the comments or on your blog to perpetuate the idea. If you participate, please leave the link in my comments section. I will answer at a later date but all my answers are known already by me so there will be no cheating off others papers.
Oh, I do not think that the answers to these will really tell me anything beyond what your answer is at the moment you write it. There is no one question that leads to the profound truth about a persons person.

1. Do you write in the margins of books?
     a. if so, what do you write,
     b. if not, why not?

2. How particular are you about your clothing?

3. Do you listen to music when you write/draw/paint/do what it is you like to do?
     a. if so, what?
     b. if not, okay then, next question.

4. Do you intentionally or mistakenly mix metaphors?

5. Do you finish more than seventy-two percent of what you read?
      a. please approximate how much.

6. What are your personal feelings about cliche?
     a. realize that it is cliche to hate them before you answer.

7. Do you use a thesaurus?
     a. If yes, how many different kinds do you have?
     b. if no, how many different kinds are you hiding?

8. What is your preference:
     a. a frog reading a book paperweight, or
     b. a monkey reading a book paperweight

9. what are your vices?
     a. what are your real vices?

10. If you came across a bag of money, no-one around for miles, how would you justify taking it and not reporting it to anyone?

11. if the coffee barista never charges you for your really fucking expensive drink, how long do you wait before insisting on paying or do you just keep the latte train rolling?

12. How do you sleep at night living in a world without Don LaFontaine?

13. How much research do you put into a statement before making an ass out of yourself in front of someone else who knows better.

14. Define theft.

15. Define theft as it applies to you.

16. Define honesty.

17. define how you want it to apply to others about you.

18. quick, how many fingers am I holding up?

19. This being the last question as asking 20 goes against my sadistic tendencies (I know there are the OCD sufferers out there reading this)  I will ask, simply, if you only have 30 seconds to make a permanent judgment about a man – what would your criteria be – is it the same for a woman?

21. kidding. lying. What is your most harmful obsession?

ah, that was fun and slightly inane.

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