sun and the moon continued

by jhon baker

I should give up the blog altogether. I’ve been going through a period of low creativity lately and blogging about it has not been on my to do list.

But, I’ve been thinking. Reading. Refilling the well with new information. I am waiting now for the payoff and waiting isn’t my strong suit.

What I need to do is get down to it and write a bunch of crap which I’ve been resisting. Allow the brain to work its connective magic, there is no other way that each synapse is going to know that it isn’t doing its job. The pretty genius in the corner needs to get out of the corner and meet me half way. There is nothing else really going on that is that distracting except what I distract myself with.

Not that I haven’t been writing and occasionally putting out something worth sharing and so I blame that end of the year burst and depression that followed. To which I am heavily medicated against now but also medicated against the severity of another mania which I miss and see flickers of here and there fighting for attention.

Giving up the blog would be an act of honesty as I now am feeling the dishonesty of keeping up the appearance of having one. Would all three of my readers miss my occasional outreach? Would you notice? Are there more than three of you?

I am reaching for the bottle here and wishing for the stars… the sun and the moon, the shaky days of not knowing if I had a clean uniform for work and if I was going to be fired for my latest outright challenge to the authority of a nameless supervisor. I had never wanted to work but now it is all I want to do. Being disabled/retired at 35 is not all it may seem to be but there is the small check from government and endless guns to play with when no-one is looking.

here is something newish which I was going to send to Take it to the streets but missed the deadline. It is for my wife – the muse that keeps me alive and reaching for the stars.

 

with cold hands

 

it’s cold

so I touch the warmth of her thighs

with cold hands, she shivers

 

gaily we dance under soft comforters

beneath the sounds of jazz belonging to another decade

before our birth

 

the windows closed locking out the colder winds

we warm and embrace, sweat heat in loving

the minutiae of such good fucking

 

– Hoc Scripsi

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3 Comments to “sun and the moon continued”

  1. Good lord we are on the same path. I don’t know what to do with my blog, so I just fill it (albeit sparsely) with random crap. Your longing for work mirrors my own as well. I keep wondering “what next?” What’s 10 years from now? If I live that long I don’t know that I can live like this. I always wanted a day off from work, but now that days off are all I have I long for one on.

    Don’t kill the blog. Leave it. But don’t feel obligated, either. It will be here when you want it to be. Honesty in the blogging world is overrated anyway. Just ask about 98% of the bloggers out there.

  2. It doesn’t have to be black or white (continue or stop). Just do it when you want to, or when you feel like it. Post a lot, post a little, it’s all good. Your blog is going to remain on my dashboard, either way. I’ve taken the easy way out. Although I’m still writing (sort of), I’ve fallen back on my photography. I’ts MUCH easier than writing. There is a big difference between what I see and what I feel. Having said that, I’m even down to posting photos only once or twice a week now…
    Since I combined my photo and writing blogs together, there is a whole different type of person looking at my blog. I think that may be part of the reason I don’t post what I write much these days. I’m thinking that If I posted some of the stories and poems that I used to post, I’d set a world record for losing followers in short time span. So, I have no idea what to do myself…

  3. I like coming here even if I don’t comment often. I would miss you if you went.

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