Posts tagged ‘ramble’

May 7, 2010

I have visionary angelic superstitions

by jhon baker

A storm started last night around 2 am, or so that is around when it woke me up, only temporarily as I sleep well to the white noise of hard rain. It continues in earnest now threatening to wet our hair and jackets as we begin our day of juvenile doctor appointment, ophthalmologist appointments, various other things planned for me by wife, hopefully to get lunch at my favorite family restaurant which I haven’t been to much since we moved away from it, there is a little pistol that I have to pick up purchased 67 hours ago, or thereabout.
This is life, not always exciting, not boring – just is and it keeps going for now.
luckily.

I imagine dozens of winged seraphs standing erect, flanking me as I am a poet and necessary.
my history of surviving deathly situations may well prove this out.

untitled

my breath stinks
my armpits smell
my stomach aches

I am not the man I thought I was
better to be dead
then have to spend a

lifetime dying. but
I’d be awkward as anyone
else in anyother life

so there is only
this and
with all,

it perseveres.

I cannot wash the
stain of maleness
off my clothes

I am not the man I ought to have been
only recently realizing
that I have to obliterate all

that should not be known
or read, less it be known
and read.

and still,

my breath stinks,
my armpits smell.
my stomach aches.

– Hoc Scripsi

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April 29, 2010

by jhon baker

I think that maybe that isn’t a very good post in general. Here is a ramble to make up for it.
I started writing what promises to be a long poem yesterday and I don’t want to talk about it much now only to say that my mind is in that direction a great deal and moving towards my Aunt Kate who is still in recovery from a hip break/replacement.
The poem has started with the longest lines I’ve ever written and will probably be a bear just smaller than another poem I’ve been working on for several years. Today I will sit and just write to see where it takes me.
My Aunt Kate and I correspond with the written word and she has been in hospitals hospitals hospitals against her mind but where else do you go when you break a hip? She is heavily on my mind now as we have been trying to get on another on the phone and have thus far been unsuccessful in this endeavor.
have a headache that awoke me at 3:30 this morning and caused bad dreaming all night long. I went back to sleep around four and have enough sleep while the headache pounds away making my face twitch.
                                                          
don’t know what I need but aspirin, ibuprofen don’t cut it.

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April 23, 2010

selling porn over the internet

by jhon baker

I listen to sketches of Spain and think of Federico Garcia Lorca and remember how I was obsessed with both when K and I decided to get married. The album causes me to lightly weep and I am hearing it now though I am unsure that it is playing at all.
 Often there is this drive to know what Lorca was thinking when he was killed. Looking out at the sky on a moonless night, under a flood of car headlights or no light at all save the muzzle flash of the weapon that bored a hole into him and ended him. in that moment there would have been no fear as we do not fear what is actual and present, there would be no pleading or bargaining as Lorca would have realized the pointlessness of it. What were his last words? They cannot be known.

The world was more interesting before the porn was available on the internet. When you had to go to stores and into booths to replicate the kind of experience available now for free while in your captains chair. I am of course talking about variety now as home films and VHS have been around for awhile. 
These things are unrelated.
In a moment or two there will be a poem but for right now there is breathing and thinking and drinking coffee.
My son waits for me to be done so I can sit for breakfast with him.

photographs

you know how I admire
photographs taken in sunlight.

sitting outside back lit
against a screened in porch.
You have become art against
my love now and I am
thinking of daisies that once
adorned you hair,
softened by your face.

how I will always love you
tho I never loved you.

not even in photographs.

– Hoc Scripsi

This is only a sketch in itself, all thought is sketched of loose imagery tied together by patterns of language or images. this we call perception and eraser waste and graphite dust soil the windows.

April 6, 2010

a poem not about E.E. Cummings

by jhon baker

the morning after, I truly love being married to the specific person I am, there are reasons beyond the intense love making but this morning that is the reason.

Laura, the beloved muse of Petrarch died today in 1348 while mine lives not yet fully as I am living, but getting there.

at the moment I am listening to the incomparable Ana Vidovic, playing Torroba classically on a specific made guitar. These are fingers that I love to listen to, strings that squeeze my own heart.

there are other comments that go here and later I will place them in another post, or even here, who knows, I wanted to reach out with this now before I start my first busy day that is filled withsomethingotherthan writing.
speaking of which, I am becoming amazed at my daily output lately. First I write here, then work on my stories, poems and such – at night I write in my journal. Now, anyone can do these things but I never allow myself to write without concentration and intention.  Also, my journal entries would fill 3-4 pages typewritten. I apparently have a lot to say.

everything here is related.

a poem not about E.E. Cummings
Cummings wrote some wonderful stuff
about the prostitutes of France.
painting them remarkably deteriorated and
            painfully beautiful;
the fragrance of nightly breath enough
            to usher tears into existence.
so many,
I’ve painted and/or sketched words
about were this.
more we’ve made great who
were not, some
lent away greatness, now
insignificant.
never have I been a whole lover.
never have I known to give at such a level.
only that I have been the prostitute
in some sense of sense;
never the sexual admirer

that was E.E. Cummings.

– Hoc Scripsi