Posts tagged ‘mental illness’

March 26, 2013

so what!

by jhon baker

So, I haven’t posted in a while… So What?

I have no skin, but a basketful of protections from the sun and I am waiting for the coffee to brew at 4:43 pm. What I have in my cup is cold and coffee isn’t meant to be enjoyed cold – no matter what you or your fancy coffee iced lattes think. For coffee to be anygood cold it has to be brewed with a double batch of grounds and served over ice – even then I cannot stand it but normal coffee ice cold is no good, damn you and your alternate opinions. This is where the advantage goes to tea – I pour a hot cup of tea and drink some, forgetting about it for awhile and when I return to it it has become cold as forgotten things do – but I can drink it regardless of this as tea can be served hot or cold at the same strength.

advantage: Tea – but I enjoy coffee more and it is why I smoke now – to further enhance the coffee experience out in my garage where there is no organization but an ashtray and my motorcycle. Also a BB Gun to shoot raccoons in the ass when they get too friendly.

I just finished a Novel where one of the secondary characters suffers the same mental aberration as I and as where I can normally identify with my characters like this I found this character to be a reflection of popular symptoms and not reality – or his mental depravity was too close to home and I divorced my mental aspect from his. In the end the book wasn’t very good and failed to live up to the promise that the authors previous work had made. Now I am rereading “Dream Songs” by the one and only, John Berryman. This is never a let down no matter how many times I read them.

 

coffee, cigarettes and waiting

 

I am staring at this black piece of paper

with four poems waiting to be written;

drinking coffee but

wonting for something else entirely.

my ears are dirty with grime

and later I’ll shower.

right now I am not adjacent to godliness

but God doesn’t drink coffee

or smoke endless cigarettes turning on the next line.

 

my poetry isn’t in vogue at present

and I cannot support what is.

Bukowski imitators.

and I am going gray;

easily depressed by these rejections,

waiting for more coffee to brew

so I can kill myself

with these several cigarettes

or maybe a gun.

 

– Hoc Scripsi

November 20, 2012

once this happened – pt 1

by jhon baker

There is little I want to write. That is a lie. There is a lot I want to write with no ideas of where to start. Looking for the in and cross wire of the brain athwart the limbic inhibitors, the shorted fuse of creation.

 

once this happened:

 

while at work

in the backroom

I heard the opening air of Nina Simone

singing ‘Lilac Wine’ and fell in love.

I wept openly listening and made record of singer and song.

going out that night I bought her catalog

and weep still every time I hear her voice.

 

this is unrelated:

 

My throat blisters from the burned soy in four shots of espresso.

I write the best when I am clear minded and mood stable.

 

I am having an off day, if I were more able I would spend the day in bed and slumber it away but cannot.

but that was the other day and this is a different odd day where nothing of much import is happening.

But here is a poem.

 

tenuous best

 

three thirty comes on too fast

echoing distant

distant heard

the world the way it is

tenuous best

mark of a truth

scorned, proffered

alone in a room

 

and you think Allen Ginsberg had it tough

writing, holy beard hanging down

poems about cock, assholes

poems about plutonium bombs

 

at least Jeffers offered his Judas

who suffered, agon

meant to be played out, on stage

offering to the thousands.

 

– Hoc Scripsi

May 25, 2012

trying not to dance

by jhon baker

errors, margins and cataclysmic exposure

walking a length of wire but stumbling, tripping and trying not to dance

side effects may include:

  • loss of balance or coordination
  • double and/or blurred vision
  • uncontrollable movements of the eyes
  • difficulty thinking or concentrating
  • difficulty speaking
  • drowsiness
  • dizziness
  • diarrhea
  • constipation
  • loss of appetite
  • weight loss
  • stomach, back, or joint pain
  • missed or painful menstrual periods
  • swelling, itching, or irritation of the vagina
  • uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body
  • seizures that happen more often, last longer, or are different than the seizures you had in the past
  • chest pain
  • swelling of the hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
  • headache
  • stiff neck
  • sensitivity to light
  • loss of consciousness

standard subterranean musings, echoes from the primal brain

we are lost, meandering aimless among a starry myriad.

 

– Hoc Scripsi

May 23, 2012

water, sewage, the glow of flowers

by jhon baker

there are hundreds of miles of pipe running under the city I live in – probably thousands – all carrying water and sewage to and fro various places but we’re not hooked up and get our water from a well on one side of the house and flush sewage to the other.

 

we are unincorporated.

 

I enjoy time out in the sun.

the sting-y bastard in the corner won’t allow movement or breath.

 

tell me all things.

 

the glow of flowers and teeth drilled,

non-vanity correction but necessary.

 

we kiss like mad children.

snug in the afterglow of infancy.