1.
I cannot believe in God
for all the ill his world produces;
for all the memory of your embattled figure.
aren’t we all the sons of man?
the daughters?
aren’t we all the saints of tomorrow?
yesterdays?
dear Judas,
I weep weep at thoughts of you.
2.
holy holy
I suppose I call out for you
(your tragic figure)
feet playing the edge of a precipice
knowing not whither to fall
and be damned
speak for me
(holy holy)
Adonoi for sought blessings
for finding your body to love
speak for me
holy holy – holy holy
dear Judas,
child, saint
you are venerated in my heart
I feel you
listening now for words
from your voice
I pray to you
seek you out in hymn –
which star are you?
speak for me,
our holy blessings and names
our holy actions and love
3.
dear Judas,
where can I find you?
I look in back alleys
search the graveyards
stop in cafes
along busy streets
and I cannot find you
the air is desiccated
sun burnt skin flakes
and peels
as I strive in the daylight
looking for you
in the faces of dirty children
with uncombed hair
I seek you out
among the poor
and tax collectors
among the rich
and forgotten
dear Judas,
I write to you now
to understand
not of your purported betrayal
or that last kiss
wherein you created
Christianity
to understand
the end
the dark night of your soul
I listen among the birds
sitting under trees
for your final declaration
the last act of a hanged man
misunderstood for two thousand years
dear Judas,
you are the first
martyred
forgotten
hanged from the devil’s tree
where no bird sang but wept
where stone and arrow
met your body and mind
your last walk holy
dear Judas,
holy Judas
martyred Judas
I pray for you
call out to you
(your tragic figure)
I weep weep at thoughts of you
dear Judas,
sing for me
holy holy
your soul scarred
and sacred
your body left and
forgotten
that strength of a thousand thousand men
the courage of many more
tracing a line round your heart
broken now
broken for all time
– Hoc Scripsi
the platitudes of willful resemblance 