Last night I was awake with the shakes and my skin was crawling off my body revealing a man growing inside.
it’s a beautiful day.
sun light stinging my eyes and I’ve got to repair the umbrella.
October 5, 2011
Lazarus
I’m an advocate for Lazarus and because of this I have to stop and question the wisdom of Jesus on his actions. At what point did Laz ask to be raised up, like he was. Who would choose this life?
It’s mental health awareness week – you can tell can’t you.
Didn’t Mary ever teach Jesus to ask before just going ahead and fucking with peoples lives or death?
there is a small animal staring at me from about 10 feet away. It looks like a red fox and it is right outside my requirement room near a book shelf that contains our board games. I think it’s fucking with me.
I am aware of mental health. I am also aware of mental unhealth. Mostly I am aware that once I went insane it was blissful (sometimes painful) with periods of awful, glaring stability in-between phases.
that may be an EAP misquote – it’s early and I haven’t been able to sleep but smoke and play some guitar.
K wished me a happy mental awareness week and we both had a good laugh.
September 10, 2011
we are dramatic by design, confused by normalcy – from a conversaton with MC
What some poem said in 31
I wish it was cancer, simple – to the point and either death or cure would deliver me without question.
I wish I could offer you that radiance, that moment.
what some poem wrote in 31.
the projectionist asleep
aisles full of faces, a thousand faces
and sorrowed malaise
the colors saturated
the film jumpy
like an old film with the tracking off
muffled vocal intonation
and a sharp disjoint from yesterday morning
where I sat with coffee and dunhill internationals
and an aspect of understanding
– Hoc Scripsi
September 6, 2011
my own private Elgin, Illinois
the sun is setting now and the leaves aren’t still but luminous, vivid greens and some reds.
verdant splendor of intense color shaded by a myriad of others and backed by intense whites and pinks of gravel driveway.
All images blur and skip frame to frame like an old 8mm.
2. (and then again)
all the colors become brilliant and to know what it means.
I gave god the better odds on this one.
loaded a single cartridge into a six-wheel and spun.
my own private Elgin, Illinois,
images blur and frame skip to slow
an old 8mm film
alighting the spirits of
Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker
an unfinished life
and the poetry of John Berryman.
– Hoc Scripsi
the platitudes of willful resemblance 